I have a confession to make. I HATE goats. I don’t just hate goats, I HATE goats.
It is my own fault. I was completely willing to jump onto the goat train with hardly any thought. I knew a lot about how good goat’s milk is for you, plus the thought of having all that fresh milk sounded so wonderful. I was completely excited about homemade cheese, butter, ice cream, and even soap. I did my research on goat breeds, and settled on Nigerian Dwarf goats because of the higher butterfat content in their milk. I had everything in place.
And then I got the goats.
Or the goats got me.
Now I was completely warned. I read several posts on how noisy goats are, especially Nigerians. They rank right up there under Nubian on the noisy scale. At the time that this crazy plan was forming in my head we lived on a small farm in the middle of nowhere, so the noise factor never was a big deal for me. But then we moved. And now I am surrounded by cottagers, and grannies who like the peace and quiet. Oh what was I thinking?
So are you ready? I am about to impart some wisdom, if you are thinking about how great goats might be, pay attention! Here is the honest to goodness down home truth:
Goats are loud mouthed, spoiled creations that want nothing more to do than bawl their stupid little heads off, while providing nothing to their owners but anxiety and pure unadulterated hatred. (As my goats haven’t been bred yet, they aren’t providing any milk)
That’s the truth take it or leave it.
And many many people will say they have never ever had a problem with goats, and how they are such smart wonderful beings. Let me just say you have been blessed. I can’t imagine a worse torture than listening to two goats bawl. I would not wish this on anyone!
To the naysayers that say well you should have known what you were getting into: have you ever had goats? Have you ever had screamer goats? Have you ever provided a creature with everything it could ever need and want and still it’s not happy? Have you?! *cue weird eye twitching*
Now it’s not that I’m trying to hide the goats, nor am I in a position where I’m not allowed the goats. According to the bi-laws in our municipality I have every right to have livestock on my property, and they can cry their lungs out if that is what makes them happy. So should I be a little more relaxed? Probably. But I don’t want to annoy the neighbours. That’s not what I’m in this for. Plus a crying goat sounds a lot like a crying baby, and there is only so much of that anyone can take.
So it all comes down to this: What do I do? I am on the edge. I would almost be willing to break my vegetarian ways, and cook those two ungrateful beasts up, and eat them just so I could have the final say.
If you’re thinking of getting goats, just save yourself the trouble and don’t.