Pause
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Pause

Do you wish there was a pause button in life? A sunset, a moment, something magical and wonderful – pause.

Stop. Don’t make me go any further than here. Let me just stay here for awhile and bask in the moment.

Have you seen the show How I Met Your Mother? The iconic couple Marshall and Lily have a pause rule when they have a fight so they can stop and remember that they love each other before going back to the disagreement. That’s essentially where I’m at. Mainly because I don’t want to take the next step. I know that what comes next changes everything.

The desire to run away has always been there – to throw in the towel and take the easy way out. Is it healthy, delicious, and sustainable? No. But after spending my 20s taking on more responsibility than I can handle, I’ve paused at a life crossroad and have seriously considered where I go from here.

I’m about to turn 30 this year. Honestly, I’m not really all that scared to cross that line. I’m scared of spending another 10 years of not doing things only to end up 40 and not have the time or the chance anymore.

It’s a strange feeling to want to do the things that you should have done 10 years prior. I feel like I’m behind – stunted perhaps. And most certainly unsettled.

So, should you have wondered what had become of me. I’m here. On pause. Wanting to move, wanting to go forward, but scared of what I’m going to leave behind.

Fear isn’t a place where I want to stay, but we’ve built our little homestead around us for the last decade and finally got to where we wanted to be. It feels selfish to finally get there only to change ones mind.

So for now. Pause.

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